36

Sometimes I truly wonder whether the darkness will let up.. The frustration and anxiety in my head. There is the question, does it end? What is hardest to me is the constant overwhelming emotion, being up, being down. Then the satisfaction of a fleeting moment, immediately followed by the squashing grind of challenges seemingly too hard. Piled on top, make sure to give me a generous helping of never being enough and trusty comparison; the enemy of happiness. Only ever enough time to scratch the surface of many things, but then feeling so imprisoned by the inability to change the situation. In honesty, at 36, I can see why the statistics for suicide are skewed towards my demographic. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is hard to reflect on the good that is so abundant because it is veiled and out of reach for me. Except for the small momentary alignment that is often brought on by alcohol or exacting circumstances. Nothing to add but this... I hope I can squeeze the tar out of my mind and get some clarity soon.